So, time to talk about the bunny suit I am wearing for Easter.
First, last, and most of all, it is hot. Temperature wise. I put it on, and I start sweating within five minutes. I have lost four pounds in that portable sauna. I think it might be one of the portals to hell but I can't be sure.
Second, it is incredibly loose and baggy on me. I feel like I'm wearing a suit tailored for a guy about 150 pounds heavier. This isn't a bad thing, though. I have been able to slip my arms out the sleeves and into the body so I could get at a pack of gum in my pockets.
Third, the head of the costume never sits right on my head, so I have to constantly hold it in place with my chin. I have a blister on my chin from it being there so much.
I actually modified -okay, kludged- it slightly by cannibalizing a computer fan and hooking it up to a nine volt battery and put it inside the head. This makes it at least bearable inside. I might have to take a picture of it to show you just how... creative... it is.
I have had at least three screamers that were afraid of me so far, and one that didn't want to leave me.
Oh, and did I mention it's hot?
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Scavenger Hunt - People Edition
First person to complete the scavenger hunt and has pictures for proof gets the satisfaction of winning, and possibly their name listed as the winner of this hunt.
Hint: Walmart is a good place to find a lot of these...
□ Guy with really bad toupee
□ Someone wearing only underwear on the bottom
□ Guy with abnormally large manboobs
□ Girl with a mullet
□ Guy wearing a skirt or dress
□ Extremely overweight person wearing spandex
□ Girl wearing a backwards baseball cap
□ Someone wearing a Che Guevara tshirt
□ Guy with combover
□ Someone wearing a suit jacket on top and blue jeans on the bottom
□ Someone wearing their shirt or pants backwards
□ Guy wearing a tube top
□ Girl with "back boobs"
□ Someone wearing fuzzy slippers
□ Girl with liberty spikes
□ Girl wearing all pink, including hair
□ Anyone over the age of fourteen wearing crocs
Happy hunting!
Hint: Walmart is a good place to find a lot of these...
□ Guy with really bad toupee
□ Someone wearing only underwear on the bottom
□ Guy with abnormally large manboobs
□ Girl with a mullet
□ Guy wearing a skirt or dress
□ Extremely overweight person wearing spandex
□ Girl wearing a backwards baseball cap
□ Someone wearing a Che Guevara tshirt
□ Guy with combover
□ Someone wearing a suit jacket on top and blue jeans on the bottom
□ Someone wearing their shirt or pants backwards
□ Guy wearing a tube top
□ Girl with "back boobs"
□ Someone wearing fuzzy slippers
□ Girl with liberty spikes
□ Girl wearing all pink, including hair
□ Anyone over the age of fourteen wearing crocs
Happy hunting!
Monday, April 4, 2011
On the Subject of Money
Today I went outside to look at my project car, a 1966 Ford Mustang. I realized just how far I have to getting it road ready, and seeing as I don't have a source of income at the moment, it's rather disheartening.
To get the thing road-legal, I need a new windshield, shift boot, steering rack, weatherstripping, and a closed floorpan.
To make it presentable/better, I need a new paint job, seat covers, carpet, upholstery, speakers, radio, ball joints, the original cooling fan, and radiator. That's all I can think of for now, but you get the idea. I really need a job. Or any way to make money, for that matter.
Which segues me into my next and totally unrelated topic: I am this year's Easter bunny. To be more specific, I am going to help my photographer friend do Easter pictures at the mall by dressing up in a rabbit costume and sitting kids on my knee. It is not the most wanted job but hey, someone has to do it, and the promise of payment is an incentive hard to turn down.
Barring this isolated cash cow, though, I am unemployed. This summer is going to be rough.
To get the thing road-legal, I need a new windshield, shift boot, steering rack, weatherstripping, and a closed floorpan.
To make it presentable/better, I need a new paint job, seat covers, carpet, upholstery, speakers, radio, ball joints, the original cooling fan, and radiator. That's all I can think of for now, but you get the idea. I really need a job. Or any way to make money, for that matter.
Which segues me into my next and totally unrelated topic: I am this year's Easter bunny. To be more specific, I am going to help my photographer friend do Easter pictures at the mall by dressing up in a rabbit costume and sitting kids on my knee. It is not the most wanted job but hey, someone has to do it, and the promise of payment is an incentive hard to turn down.
Barring this isolated cash cow, though, I am unemployed. This summer is going to be rough.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
The More You Know
In this world of l33t speak and chronic misspelling, there needs to be someone out there to bring education to the unwashed masses. I hope you can glean something from some of these words that may or may not be of use to you.
Defenestration: n. The act of throwing a thing or especially a person out a window.
Eschew: v. To avoid or shun.
Hallux: n. the big toe.
Quinquennium: n. Five of something.
Xyloid: adj. Woodlike.
Tutelary: 1)adj. Protecting. 2)n. Protector, guardian.
Manumit: v. Set free.
Jongleur: n. Singer or entertainer.
Defenestration: n. The act of throwing a thing or especially a person out a window.
Eschew: v. To avoid or shun.
Hallux: n. the big toe.
Quinquennium: n. Five of something.
Xyloid: adj. Woodlike.
Tutelary: 1)adj. Protecting. 2)n. Protector, guardian.
Manumit: v. Set free.
Jongleur: n. Singer or entertainer.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
My Plans for Halloween
Today, I start my search for the perfect Halloween costume.
I know, I know, it's several months before Halloween rolls around. You don't need to tell me that I might be overplanning just a bit. The last time I wanted to dress up, though, I waited until three days before, and I couldn't find the necessary pieces to the costume.
This Halloween, I am determined to dress up as Neo from The Matrix. You know, when he goes all "The One" on the building where Morpheus is being held.
The main reason for my choice of character is that I have been told, time and time again, that I bear an uncanny resemblance to Keanu Reeves. In fact, some of my friends call me Neo and ask me to dodge bullets before whipping out their paintball guns and shooting at me repeatedly.
I have been watching the scenes repeatedly in an attempt to figure out what I need to make the costume work. This is what I have come up with:
Wardrobe:
Black trench coat (obviously)
Black "military" boots
Black dress pants
Long-sleeved black top
Shoulder holsters
Don't worry about me going on a rampage with an excessive number of weapons. I'm planning on finding some good-quality replicas or, in lieu of that, just spray-painting a few water guns with a flat-black coating...
Guns:
(at least 8) Beretta 92SF
(2) Micro Uzi
(2) Heckler & Koch MP5K
(2) Skorpion SA Vz 61
When I looked up Neo's weapon choices, I couldn't help but think: Why so many? Couldn't he just take a few extra mags with him, and save the trouble of carrying no fewer than 14 guns? Then I remembered. It's all about presentation.
As you can see, I have a lot of hunting to do, and none of this is cheap. Wish me luck on my quest to become "The One."
I know, I know, it's several months before Halloween rolls around. You don't need to tell me that I might be overplanning just a bit. The last time I wanted to dress up, though, I waited until three days before, and I couldn't find the necessary pieces to the costume.
This Halloween, I am determined to dress up as Neo from The Matrix. You know, when he goes all "The One" on the building where Morpheus is being held.
The main reason for my choice of character is that I have been told, time and time again, that I bear an uncanny resemblance to Keanu Reeves. In fact, some of my friends call me Neo and ask me to dodge bullets before whipping out their paintball guns and shooting at me repeatedly.
I have been watching the scenes repeatedly in an attempt to figure out what I need to make the costume work. This is what I have come up with:
Wardrobe:
Black trench coat (obviously)
Black "military" boots
Black dress pants
Long-sleeved black top
Shoulder holsters
Don't worry about me going on a rampage with an excessive number of weapons. I'm planning on finding some good-quality replicas or, in lieu of that, just spray-painting a few water guns with a flat-black coating...
Guns:
(at least 8) Beretta 92SF
(2) Micro Uzi
(2) Heckler & Koch MP5K
(2) Skorpion SA Vz 61
When I looked up Neo's weapon choices, I couldn't help but think: Why so many? Couldn't he just take a few extra mags with him, and save the trouble of carrying no fewer than 14 guns? Then I remembered. It's all about presentation.
As you can see, I have a lot of hunting to do, and none of this is cheap. Wish me luck on my quest to become "The One."
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
One Manly Deed a Day
It has come to my attention that there is a marked number of "unmanly" men (e.g., play video games all day, accountants, lazy, etc.). I believe that this unmanliness can be reversed by accomplishing one manly deed a day. It takes a certain degree of dedication to adhere to this task, and not everyone can do it. But, if you want to become more manly, it is imperative that you at least attempt to accomplish this goal.
Now, some of you may not be aware of what is decreed to be a "manly deed." There are some gray areas in the realm of manliness that may or may not pass inspection. I will attempt to put together a semi-comprehensive list of what passes for a manly deed.
These will all suffice to fulfill the necessity for a manly deed for a day (unless otherwise specified to covered more than one day's worth):
1. Building an object out of wood, metal and/or stone and is larger than 4 cubic feet in total volume. If the object takes more than one day to complete, the deed is good for as many days as it takes to complete. If the object takes more than two weeks to complete, it is good for four days after the object is completed.
2. Repairing any object built out of wood, metal, or stone, regardless of size. Same rules for multiple days apply as above.
3. Performing electrical/plumbing work. If you give up before the job is completed or call for a professional, you have to have been electrocuted/spill at least three gallons of water/spend two hours more than the job originally called for in order to have the deed count for the day.
4. Completely dismantle something. Bonus points for using power tools. Double bonus for using explosives. Triple bonus for using explosives when it is completely uncalled for.
5. Set off fireworks and/or explosives. This counts for all occasions.
6. Performing minor car repairs/maintenance (Oil change, replacing any filter, replacing headlights, etc.).
7. Performing major car repairs (Replacing/repairing transmission/engine, bodywork, etc.). This is good for an extra two days after the deed is completed.
8. House maintenance (non-cosmetic improvements). Cleaning the house does not count!
9. Defending someone by fighting. (Note: this deed is invalid if you initiated the fight)
10. Doing target practice with a gun/slingshot.
11. Hunting something with blood. You get an extra day if you actually succeed in killing said thing.
12. Starting - and controlling - any fire larger than two feet across.
13. Putting out a fire that is causing property damage (Note: Invalid if you are the one who started the fire.).
14. Cutting down a full-size tree without using a chainsaw. Bonus points for replanting another tree.
15. Hiking/climbing a mountain (Must cover at least three (3) thousand vertical feet.).
16. Camping (Note: Tents, fires, and sleeping bags must be used for this to count. RVs, generators and pansy "comfort" items like air conditioning, running water and electricity must not be used.).
These are by far not the only things that count as manly deeds, but they should give a general idea as to what counts as manly work.
Now, some of you may not be aware of what is decreed to be a "manly deed." There are some gray areas in the realm of manliness that may or may not pass inspection. I will attempt to put together a semi-comprehensive list of what passes for a manly deed.
These will all suffice to fulfill the necessity for a manly deed for a day (unless otherwise specified to covered more than one day's worth):
1. Building an object out of wood, metal and/or stone and is larger than 4 cubic feet in total volume. If the object takes more than one day to complete, the deed is good for as many days as it takes to complete. If the object takes more than two weeks to complete, it is good for four days after the object is completed.
2. Repairing any object built out of wood, metal, or stone, regardless of size. Same rules for multiple days apply as above.
3. Performing electrical/plumbing work. If you give up before the job is completed or call for a professional, you have to have been electrocuted/spill at least three gallons of water/spend two hours more than the job originally called for in order to have the deed count for the day.
4. Completely dismantle something. Bonus points for using power tools. Double bonus for using explosives. Triple bonus for using explosives when it is completely uncalled for.
5. Set off fireworks and/or explosives. This counts for all occasions.
6. Performing minor car repairs/maintenance (Oil change, replacing any filter, replacing headlights, etc.).
7. Performing major car repairs (Replacing/repairing transmission/engine, bodywork, etc.). This is good for an extra two days after the deed is completed.
8. House maintenance (non-cosmetic improvements). Cleaning the house does not count!
9. Defending someone by fighting. (Note: this deed is invalid if you initiated the fight)
10. Doing target practice with a gun/slingshot.
11. Hunting something with blood. You get an extra day if you actually succeed in killing said thing.
12. Starting - and controlling - any fire larger than two feet across.
13. Putting out a fire that is causing property damage (Note: Invalid if you are the one who started the fire.).
14. Cutting down a full-size tree without using a chainsaw. Bonus points for replanting another tree.
15. Hiking/climbing a mountain (Must cover at least three (3) thousand vertical feet.).
16. Camping (Note: Tents, fires, and sleeping bags must be used for this to count. RVs, generators and pansy "comfort" items like air conditioning, running water and electricity must not be used.).
These are by far not the only things that count as manly deeds, but they should give a general idea as to what counts as manly work.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
First post, in which I babble meaninglessly
So, this is my first official blog post.
I don't know where I am going with this. I must be out of my mind to be doing this, since I have no idea what this blog is going to say. I do like lists and "How to identify x" sort of things, but no promises. I guess I should introduce myself.
I am Lincoln Baker, and for lack of a better idea, I have chosen to be called "The Builder." It is likely that I will change this, as it is a name I merely chose so I could get this thing started. I'm considered moderately knowledgeable in many fields. I know many random facts that do the average person no good.
At this point, I am shouting into that cruel empty void known as the Internet so I will wrap up by saying, once again, I must be out of my mind.
I don't know where I am going with this. I must be out of my mind to be doing this, since I have no idea what this blog is going to say. I do like lists and "How to identify x" sort of things, but no promises. I guess I should introduce myself.
I am Lincoln Baker, and for lack of a better idea, I have chosen to be called "The Builder." It is likely that I will change this, as it is a name I merely chose so I could get this thing started. I'm considered moderately knowledgeable in many fields. I know many random facts that do the average person no good.
At this point, I am shouting into that cruel empty void known as the Internet so I will wrap up by saying, once again, I must be out of my mind.
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